Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
