Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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