He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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