I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize