just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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