my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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