i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
