HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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