When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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