gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
