At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize