Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
