Got a toothbrush?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize