sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
