I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
