just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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