Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
