Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize