Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
