It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
