when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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