Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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