I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
