i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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