proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
BRING THE BAGELS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
