you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
