I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
