Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i will never coherently bang her
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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