I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
