Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How's work?
Spinning.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
