If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
