Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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