So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
