Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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