I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
