One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
