for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
