I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
