So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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