READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
