I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
