The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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