I like my sex mixed with concussions.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My ass is underappreciated
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
