Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
