It's like God shit irony all over that family
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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