Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
