how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Buhtt sex?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
