why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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