He disabled his match.com account in front of me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
