My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
