I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
