Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
