nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize