Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
