She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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