Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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