Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
