the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
