you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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