No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
