i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
