Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
