I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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