He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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