i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This toilet bowl is my home.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
