We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
