Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
