I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
