I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
