Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
