she was so not down for the gang bang
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
