you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
