i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
