Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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