question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
