i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
