This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
