I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
