I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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