Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
