whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
