Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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