I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize