so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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