You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Randomize
