Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
