He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
