Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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