Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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