it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
