after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
