Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
