People with herpes should wear stickers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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