So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize