hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
