you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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