I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
