Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
