Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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