i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
