When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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