Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
