dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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