That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
