I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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