Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
