also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
