there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i now understand why vodka
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
