i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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