You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
