Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
