This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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