I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
