smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
