i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
