you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just high enough for therapy.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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