He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
