dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
