Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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