3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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