winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
