i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
